Thoughts That Should Remain Silent
I came across a picture on one of my friends social media pages. It was a picture of them and someone who is a horrible person, well to me they are. Isn't it interesting how someone can be so detrimental to you but can be as sweet as pie to someone else? How does an evil that lives and has been shown so vividly be able to mask it in front of someone else? It's as if they have a switch in their head and is able to turn on and off their psychotic nature.
I looked at the picture.... very gorgeous by the way. As I stared into their deep colored eyes I was hit with a wave of hurt. Something that sprouted almost a decade ago. A phone call I received bragging about something that my body was going through while on the other end.... a cheerfulness to find out what I was going through was true... while they boasted about rendezvous with a shared identity. Looking at that new picture, of someone who I hope is grown, and someone I pray that I no longer know. Reminded me, that the devil is at work.. and that I need some major heart work.
Truth is, I don't know who that person is in that picture. I know of someone who was vicious, malicious and vengeful. I hope that the person I was looking at is nothing more than an adult. One that has learned from their mistakes, given that things didn't work out and all.... A picture of someone who realized that they've hurt so many others. Others who love to message me and try to have a venting session about said person. Something that's not my cup of tea, seeing how, if you're not around I don't have a desire to talk about you.
So my thoughts that remain silent on this person, are ones that are coming to light. I want to be the change for certain things. On the other hand, I'm aware that change takes time. No matter the time frame on when someone crushes your spirit and breaks your heart, healing takes as long as it has too. Maybe one day we can sit down and talk, crazy to think we were friends/sisters at one point. Be able to relive that moment so I can hear an explanation or gain an understanding. Maybe one day I'll be able to look at you and not be filled with disgust and slight happiness that your world crashed.
I do believe that some people experience repercussions from actions they've done days, months and even years ago. I know it was working in my favor to receive the news I did about you. I should be ashamed to admit this but I'm not, I'm happy that it went left or so far south there was no recouping. That's also something I need to work on. After all, you're the one person I strongly dislike and there's an ugliness in my heart towards you.
Anywho, like I said, all things in time. I did pray for you today.. so maybe... that's a start.