as I read over my last few confessions.
A poetic justice that wasn't done justice
maybe because it wasn't thought through.
Or maybe there wasn't enough thought at all...
just thoughts and feelings that don't seem to add up.
A distant revelation is what I like to call it.
A moment in time where time is not mine and
in fact, it's a battle of my mind because it makes me type things that I once felt.
Might not be my current state but feelings don't care
don't take into consideration that a once was is not a present.
Much like my ideology of you.
It sounded so amazing but I could never figure out why I liked you.
Why when I'm around you I don't feel loved.
The distance was blamed on your inability to love.
One that I self interpreted to not being good enough.
Doused in the lies of being the only one.
Did you forget you confess to me like I'm your Catholic priest?
Telling me all the things on your mind.
Even things you denied when I asked you questions on springs eve.
Quiet evenings where it's just the two of us.
Eating and reminiscing. Laughing and loving.
Those were the nights that seemed so sweet.
I still don't understand why you used them to lie to me.
It was amazing laying there, to hear another one of your true confession
In a moments blink, I realized it was never me that wasn't worthy
It was you.
It all makes sense as to why I never nabbed you.
Why at times I was happiest, it was when I wasn't around you.
You tend to do this yo-yo thing.
Where you pull me in and push me out again.
I would let you, silly girl I was.
Until it took a night of staring into you.
That's when I realized I'm better off without.
I got up abruptly leaving you where you sat.
I didn't need to explain.
No need to talk about it.
I owe a liar nothing more than my back.
Nothing more than me walking away.
Into the night that would kick start the rest of my life.
You were a nice distraction, with all the drama that you bring.
With your condescending tone of "caring"
Open eyes and a released heart.
I'm glad I escaped now, I'm glad we're apart.
Distant revelation my heart continues to beat.
This time it beats for me.