Seems easy right? Well, a few years back, when I was living in Texas, I started my re-commitment to God. In that came an extensive amount of reading material, hence why it's easy for me to read and retain a new book a week. Love yourself, of course we love ourselves, but do we
You see, personally, I wasn't struggling with loving myself, I was struggling with forgiving myself. I love me, but at times I hate the things I've done, the words I've said, the people I've hurt, the things I've done and said to myself. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Man, if only there was a legit answer for that question.
So I did some digging a few years back. It required me to be in total isolation, which was perfect because I just moved to a new state so being alone during that time was a piece of cake. What I wasn't ready for were the layers that God would reveal to me about myself. I wasn't ready to relive my pain or hurts but I had to in order to learn forgiveness. I wasn't ready to see my mirror that was dirty because when you grow out of who you were, why do you want to see the dirt again? Most importantly, I wasn't ready to be alone.
But God needed me for himself.
It was a deep therapy session with God and a real therapy group that helped shape me into this woman I am today. When I was visiting my sister in Seattle, I met with an old "friend" when I was listening to him, I realized why he's meant to stay in the past. That's when I came into this very important lesson.
Not everyone you lose contact with is meant to be in your present life.
I was listening to him tell me how I used to be. Question why I don't think certain things are humorous (because they were very childlike) how I wasn't able to do this and do that and etc. The question I asked myself during that dinner, was why in the hell am I sitting here with someone who clearly has not grown? What makes it worse, he's almost ten years older than me.
In the process of loving myself, finding myself and doing everything possible to get closer to God, I'm starting to understand not only my purpose but that people truly do have seasons. I'm okay with the seasons that we shared. I'm okay with randomly thinking of a memory and praying for that person who was a friend at one time. I'm okay with that. It's obvious that we're I'm at now and where I'm going, those seasons are not meant to be carried over.
It took a while for me to see that, holding onto people and things that I needed to let be. The moment I realized that it is what it is and I loved what it was, is the moment I started to love and truly appreciate the three friendships that I have now. I mean true friends, not acquaintances, not co-workers, real genuine friendships.
I became more in love with life, God and Myself when I learned to
Love Myself for all that I am. It allowed me to love others for who they are.