Friday, April 13, 2018

Late Nights

Hits the blunt... take it in.. sit in the smoke little baby and relax.

As the pain moves through me, as strong as the blood that's in my veins.
I sit back and see you through the smoke, I took a hit deep and choked.
You laughed a little, as I played it off.

Off to the sky, mile high, hypnotized, memorized by your eyes.
They weren't looking at me though, it was at your phone.
Sucked into business of pleasure or business, my mind is racing.

Where did you come from?

Hits the blunt.. you walk out the room... I sit in the smoke and breathe.

The clock is loud. The hands are moving slow, or maybe it's my mind.
It plays tricks on me sometimes. My mind that is, such a mysterious thing.
But a blessing to be created.

So I sit there, hit the blunt... you walk in the room.. I pass it to you.

How you feeling little baby? You said to me.
I smile and lean in, you kiss and I lean back.
Late nights are the best nights.

<3 Ebony

Thursday, April 5, 2018

There's Lower Than Rock Bottom

You know the old saying that once you hit rock bottom there's no where else but up? I, like most of you, are one who can contest that, that's a lie. I've hit rock bottom once in my life. I was living in my car for one of those moments had nothing to eat for a few weeks, no income, no friends; it was scary.

This time, it's different. Not just by how it happened, but by how I'm dealing with it. Being homeless seems to be a repetitive thing for me. I'm the type that no matter what, will make her dreams come true. That no matter the circumstances, will make it happen. So this time around instead of freaking out fully, I've taken more time to sit back and reflect. Not on why these situations happen because I know why. For me, it always happens when I get comfortable and ignore when God is telling me to move. So, he makes me move....

Instead, I think of why it happened, the prayers I've been praying, the moves I've been making and I say thank you; but not at first, I wish I could admit that I took this nicely, but no. I was upset, sad, angry, mad, frustrated and everything else; I even confided in a friend on whether or not God truly loves me, or if he cares. Yeah, I went that deep with it, and I'm not ashamed for it either.

As I sit here listening to a mix of Jay Z, Nas, Nipsey, Snoop and Big K.R.I.T, I take on full responsibility. I can't be angry at something when I've been asking God for something much bigger and I'm not moving for him to make it happen. As I get my head in order from what's happening, from tires blowing out while I'm driving, to losing a so called friend that was a wolf in sheep clothing, to moving into a new place, to being an emotional train wreck that takes any small thing and turning into a massacre; I'm doing better with this situation.

If we don't take time to breathe and love on ourselves, no one else will. 

I also take this time to be alone. I could easily be with a man at this moment. Someone who I truly like and see a future with because it'll be easy. Easy to mask how I feel and want him to love on me to give me a quick fix. I think at times, we don't know that we do that. We run to someone or something that's our comfort zone during our deepest problems, because it enables us to deal with it alone. It makes sure that we mask that pain with a momentary happiness. The moment that comfort zone has to leave or direct their attention to something else, we feel like shit all over. Why? because we never dealt with the issue, we just substituted it. 

I really do love these situations, because with each storm comes rain. That rain waters all the seeds that I have planted in the soil. I'm excited for my bloom, my harvest, my reaping. 

I've mastered that art of knowing when I need to take a break. I'm always on the go, from putting out a new book, to writing a new screen play, to working in radio or television, to photo-shoots, to moving cross country and much more. I now know, when I need to have a seat and breathe. This is one of those times where I need to take a day for me. A day of whatever I want, maybe a praise hike where I can cry and sing Christian songs, a visit to the beach where I could read or sit and watch the waves and God's creation, or maybe even start a new series  that I've been wanting to start for awhile now. Maybe today is full of all those things? I think it will be. 

My message to you my friend, take some time for you. You deserve it. Love yourself. 

<3 Ebony 

Monday, March 26, 2018

Your Light

Believe it or not, we all have a light. Whether you chose to let that light shine or not is up to you. I didn't realize that by using my light in almost every situation that it would mean a lot to other people. I'm a people person, and I love to be around people I know and those don't. I love the people who are stand off-ish, people who love to hug, people who love to hide, and people who love to talk. Watching people and seeing how they move, seeing how they lie, seeing what makes them uncomfortable is interesting to me. Odds are I'm that wierdo on the bench at the mall smiling at strangers as they walk by.

I speak and say hello to those who make eye contact with me, for some, this is some type of weird act to say hello to a stranger. I ask how you're doing and truly care to listen if the answer isn't "I'm great!", which of course is out of the norm, "What someone who actually cares? What is wrong with this human?"

By being myself, and never changing no matter where I live or what job I have, I'm happy. I truly love me, and what I show despite how others might receive it, is true to who I am. Recently, I've been told almost on a daily basis how my energy is amazing. How it's hypnotizing and draws you in. Someone asked me, how I do it? What's my secret to being this way, and honestly it's all about self love and not caring what others think of you.

I know that a smile, a hug, a door hold, a hello, a "hey nice shirt" can go a long way. I'm aware that you never know what the other person is going through and by you being nice it can change their whole attitude for the day. I've met some miserable, sour people; and when I choose to give a compliment to them, even knowing that their face says "do not speak to me", their posture changes. They smile, their shoulders drop, their chest opens up and they seem a little easier.

So when you're out, think about how you're using your light. Know that others can see it, and you can make a difference in plenty of peoples lives if you use it for the better.

<3 Ebony

Thursday, March 1, 2018

The Lesson of Appreciation

You know, for so many years I've been a little jealous of those who knew how to appreciate things. It may sound silly, but whether you're a person who appreciates friends, family, current situations, the ups, the downs and everything in between; I was jealous of you. Here I am someone who was always on the go. I always had my future and where I wanted to be in my mind. In every state I lived, at every job I was blessed to have, I always wanted the next best thing. Problem with that is, that I was missing some of the best things in the moment.

I never sat and truly thought about why God brought me to a certain place at a certain time. 

I don't know why that was what it was. It maybe because I already knew where I was going to be and what I was going to do. It might have been my inability to be happy knowing that better was out there. It could have been that I simply was unappreciative. Which my friend, is true, I was very unappreciative. I now look back at all that I've done and I'm proud of my achievements, but I'm not proud of the fun that I missed.

I was so focused on working, going to school, making sure that everything was lined up that I missed out on key events of certain friendships. I decided to work very hard and to make sure my shows were top in the market. I decided to put out one book after another and write two more that I have yet to release instead of, going to a club and being able to share that "inside joke". I decided to be submerged in my writing of scripts that I missed out on drunken nights that wouldn't have been remembered the next day.

Although I do love where I'm at and what I sacrificed to get here; I do wish that I lived in the moment at certain times. This has taught me to love and appreciate all those around me right now. Because of what I missed out on, this has taught me how to be a better friend. Because of how far I've come, this has taught me that taking a break isn't a bad thing. After all, what a good friend told me makes perfect sense:

What God has for you will forever be yours. 

So although I'm a little sad that I missed certain things, I'm also proud of how it's helped me be who I am today. My hope for you is that as you chase those dreams, as you decide to follow your heart that you also love where you're at. I hope that you take a seat, a real seat, and look around you. I hope that you look at your friends and family and love them. I hope that you give yourself a break and live every once and awhile. I hope that you love life even when you're struggling to get to your destiny.

You will make it to your dreams, why not have a little fun on the way? 

<3 Ebony

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Happy Valentine's Day!

Why hello love!

I know, I know, today is Valentine's Day and for most of us singles it's a day we dread. A day where we're reminded that we're single, that no one will buy us flowers and candies or take us out for dinner. But you know what? I love Valentine's Day and I'm always single on V-Day and here's why.

Everyone else is happy! I run into plenty of people who are hopeless romantics and who are in relationships and they're smiling and say HI! Even though, I'm not among the blessed few to have someone like them enough to be in a relationship, I am however part of the few who love the idea of love.

So if you're a bitter Betty and hate this day just because you're single, please look in your heart and know that you are loved. It might not be from a significant other, but it's from your family and friends.

<3 Ebony

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Love Yourself

As I'm on my growth journey in Christ and in life, I've read countless times in books, articles, blogs, watched in sermons and motivational speeches a key part in a lot of people's success. Something I learned and wanted to share with you, it's pretty easy to say, but so hard for some of us to do. Are you ready? Here's one key to the happiness....

Love yourself...

Seems easy right? Well, a few years back, when I was living in Texas, I started my re-commitment to God. In that came an extensive amount of reading material, hence why it's easy for me to read and retain a new book a week. Love yourself, of course we love ourselves, but do we
 Forgive ourselves?
You see, personally, I wasn't struggling with loving myself, I was struggling with forgiving myself. I love me, but at times I hate the things I've done, the words I've said, the people I've hurt, the things I've done and said to myself. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Man, if only there was a legit answer for that question. 

So I did some digging a few years back. It required me to be in total isolation, which was perfect because I just moved to a new state so being alone during that time was a piece of cake. What I wasn't ready for were the layers that God would reveal to me about myself. I wasn't ready to relive my pain or hurts but I had to in order to learn forgiveness. I wasn't ready to see my mirror that was dirty because when you grow out of who you were, why do you want to see the dirt again? Most importantly, I wasn't ready to be alone. 
But God needed me for himself.

It was a deep therapy session with God and a real therapy group that helped shape me into this woman I am today. When I was visiting my sister in Seattle, I met with an old "friend" when I was listening to him, I realized why he's meant to stay in the past. That's when I came into this very important lesson. 

Not everyone you lose contact with is meant to be in your present life. 

I was listening to him tell me how I used to be. Question why I don't think certain things are humorous (because they were very childlike) how I wasn't able to do this and do that and etc. The question I asked myself during that dinner, was why in the hell am I sitting here with someone who clearly has not grown? What makes it worse, he's almost ten years older than me. 

In the process of loving myself, finding myself and doing everything possible to get closer to God, I'm starting to understand not only my purpose but that people truly do have seasons. I'm okay with the seasons that we shared. I'm okay with randomly thinking of a memory and praying for that person who was a friend at one time. I'm okay with that. It's obvious that we're I'm at now and where I'm going, those seasons are not meant to be carried over. 

It took a while for me to see that, holding onto people and things that I needed to let be. The moment I realized that it is what it is and I loved what it was, is the moment I started to love and truly appreciate the three friendships that I have now. I mean true friends, not acquaintances, not co-workers, real genuine friendships. 

I became more in love with life, God and Myself when I learned to 
Love Myself for all that I am. It allowed me to love others for who they are.

<3 Ebony 


Sunday, January 14, 2018

Confidence

First blog of the new year! I've been struggling on what to share with you. There' s been so much going on, that I haven't a clue on where to start. So, as I sit here thinking about some things, going over past conversations and listening to some sermons, I came up with the perfect blog.

Confidence

Many of us claim to have it.  While those who lose it also lose site of their dreams. Do you know how many people stop chasing their dreams because they have no confidence that it'll happen for them? The very thought of that makes me sad. What also makes me said is the old saying that the richest place in the world is the graveyard. Imagine all the inventions and ideas that were buried with the person who thought it because they never had the confidence to pursue it.

As we're going into the new year, I pray that you have so much confidence that the devil runs away from you. My hope is that you will start that business, chase that dream, tell that person that you love them, go back to school, make amends with those that hurt you, forgive, love yourself, and most importantly live your life.

Life is short, so make the most of it

When I rediscovered my confidence, I truly became unstoppable. I was already in a place to where great things were happening for me, but with confidence it actually happened. For me confidence in myself is great but confidence in Papa (God) is much more important. Knowing that he will provide and living a life that proves that you trust him is hard. Hence why I took that leap, dropped all I was known for and moved to where my heart has always been.

The road you choose will never be easy. No matter if you decide to play it safe or decide to go balls to the walls with it. Seeing how it's not easy on either path, wouldn't you want to choose the one that tugs at your heart? The one that you've so desperately wanted to do? That path that deep down makes you excited with the endless possibilities when it comes to using your talent? I know I would.

Let's have an amazing 2018. Many of you email me or direct message me on social media for prayers, don't be afraid to keep contacting me. I love praying for and with you, we can get through this thing called life together.

<3 Ebony