Sunday, October 15, 2017

Black Bird

Why you wanna fly black bird
You ain't ever gonna fly 

As I sit back and listen to the sweet sounds of Nina Simone sing Black Bird, a song that's a narration of my life, I can't help but get lost in her deep, sultry smokey voice. In her reassurance that, that silly black bird will never fly. In her dark smooth chocolate skin, and plump lips, with eyes that can suck your soul out as she sings to you this lullaby. 

I can't help but put myself into the body of that black bird. 

The lyrics are words from everyone around me. You ain't ever gonna fly. Why are you chasing a dream that is so out of reach? No place big enough for holding all these tears you're gonna cry.  I have yet to find a box of tissues that can withstand my sad days. My depressed days, the same days where I want to play in traffic. The same days that cause me to have random outbursts and make me think I need to be put in a mental hospital all because the mind is truly a beautiful but also a destructive thing. 

But yet, I'm still here.

Trying to figure out why Papa (God) picked me to trot down this bumpy road of life. Why he gave me the gifts that I have, and why he wants me to dominate in my talents. Talents that everyone and their mother wants to have, is working to have, or already has; so what's so different about me? You ain't got no one to hold you. You ain't got no one to care. If you'd only understand dear, nobody wants you here. In my deepest moment, as I clung onto the thought of wanting to continue on in this world; I was thrown away by someone who my heart was wanting to love.  Nobody wants you here. 

Breathe. Just breathe, even when you're suffocating never stop trying to breathe.

They call you little sorrow, cause you'll never love again. Love in life, love in action, love in my abilities, love in friends, love in family, love in another man. All the odds are against me, beating on me as heavy as a drum; as heavy as the drum in this song that was beating to every beautifully poisonous lyric. But yet- Breathe-  despite all the odds I wanna fly because Papa (God) said that I can, and that I will. 

<3 Ebony 

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