Friday, September 29, 2017

Love in The Process

Why do we feel the need to rush? 

That's the question that I find myself asking over and over again. Mainly because I have great conversations with a variety of different people. Ones that are older, younger, black, white, purple, male, female and alien. It seems to me that the circle of acquaintances that I have around me all seem to be into doing one thing. And that is wanting what they want and wanting it NOW.  When I asked each of them why not trust and love in the process, why do you have to rush it?  I, to my surprise always get the same answer.

I don't know. 

In the age of immediacy, where anything and everything is at your fingertips from applying to jobs, getting a significant other, getting directions, finding an amazing restaurant and more why wait? Why be patient? Why go through the process of taking your time and finding the right thing for you? There's no point in it when you can easily have your answer in less than a minute. Which my friend, brings me to this next question.

Why rush a relationship? 

I have a few friends, that when they start the process of getting to know a man, they immediately rush into thoughts of marriage. Yes I do agree with them in the sense that it's important to establish a common ground of what you want. However, if you two are no where close to being in a relationship, why jump the gun? Why are you getting out of your starting blocks so early? Not only will it disqualify you before you reach the finish line; but that will have you on the fast track to heartache and heart break. 

I'm one who loves the process of getting to know someone.  Then moving into exclusively talking aka everyone else is out of the picture. Then becoming boyfriend and girlfriend and so on. I don't find the need to rush or question what are we? Instead, I take my time because I know what I want. I want to get to know the other person to the best of my ability. After all, even after you're married you never truly know someone. Each day is a new adventure.When it comes to the process, I find peace and happiness in taking my time. Why?

Personally, when I rush or questioned it ruined things. 

What I mean by that is, when I start to rush or question the man that I'm talking too, it ruined the chance at it becoming something special. Instead of enjoying the moments I was to focused on the next day when we have yet to finish the one we were in. Instead of watching his behaviors and seeing if it fits me, I was to busy looking past that and questioning him on "what if" situations. Instead of chilling and watching the movie, I wanted to turn each scene into a real life hypothetical. And my GOD, that shit must have been so annoying for him! I fully understood why they would run when I had the roles reversed.  

I met a man who did to me what I was doing to others. 

He was a great guy. One with a pure heart and who truly wanted to know what was going on. But in the time of getting to know him, I realized how over bearing it was. How confining it was to spend time with someone, when you really want to relax with them and instead they want to be in your head 24/7. I see how it's frustrating to want to joke around and they take it personal or serious. It's impossible for me to want to deal with that person. I then laughed and gave God props for blessing me with another person who in the end made me better.

Because of him, I've learned to love the process and to enjoy the ones that are auditioning for a leading role in my love life. When I meet someone who wants to rush past it, it's a huge red flag for me. There's typically underline issues with that person, why are they rushing? What are they trying to make a quick fix for? What heart break are they trying to overcome? Most importantly, what are they expecting of me? What hole do they want me to fill?  

 I'm madly in love with the process that will lead me to being madly in love with Mr Right. 

Dating is much more fun when you allow it to be and don't hold strangers to these unrealistic expectations. LIFE is much more fun when you allow it to be. When you learn to love the process of what Papa (God) is doing. When you can relax and trust in yourself that all the desires of your heart will come true. When you realize that your dreams will come true when you work at it and never give up. When you realize that you only have ONE life, and when you stop wasting it on hypotheticals and what ifs and start living in the NOW, this thing called life is truly amazing. 


Friday, September 1, 2017

I am Not Eboni K Williams

Although she is a gorgeous woman. One who is very vocal about her opinions and beliefs not just with politics but in life, I am not Eboni K Williams. She is a woman that I love to watch as she contributes to Fox News because she makes people think. She like many women in a political position that use thier voice, use it to make you question your own thoughts. And because of that, because of the challenge that she causes some to have within themselves, she gets hate mail. She gets death threats of not just her career but her life. She gets slammed with racial comments, and judged for being a woman. Some even go as far as to telling her to "go back where she came from" or "a woman has no place in the mans world of politics."

I know this, because some of those people think that I am Eboni K Williams and direct their hate towards me. 

Some even go as far as going to my website and submitting hate mail through my contact forum. That part always puzzles me merely because they have to go to my site. Meaning they have to spell my name which is Ebony and hers is Eboni. They have to scroll down to see my header which has me with short hair, and Eboni has long hair. They then have to find the contact box and take time to type up an email and hit send.

For those on Twitter, it's even worse. They get on these rants and mass tweets while adding me into the political ring of Donald Trump, Barack Obama and more all based on Eboni's commentary. Now I'm apart of a thousand people re-tweeting thread with very few who can read and point out that it's the wrong Ebony.

What makes me laugh, are the people who send me racial sexist comments. Comments that are paragraphs long on why I should end my life. All because Eboni said Trump supporters are racists. . Then when I respond; they want to be "human" and seem sorry for their words. In return, I have to remind those nasty people that they were about to send this to someone they don't know anyway, so why apologize to me and not her?

One day, I hope, we can learn to disagree with someone without wanting them to die. 

Because of this, her and I follow one another on social media. Because of the hatred that we both face as women in the industry, as black-women in the industry, as women who are told constantly that we are less than and that our opinions and feelings are not wanted in a male dominated profession; we like may others chose to support the like minds and hustle of our fellow sisters in the business. 

So while you are angry at her and those like her aka the  Angela Ryes  of the world, just remember that we're proud of who we are. We're not backing down from what we think and how we feel and if asked we will give you the harsh truth.  In return, if you can't think of a way to speak to someone that isn't filled with racism, sexism, curse words, improper spelling and more;

I think you should try your best to use what little brain you have to make your argument informative and educational. 

Most importantly, if we are all adults, we can learn to disagree without anger. We can have respect for someone that we don't agree with. We can have a conversation without it being confrontational.

After-all if you aren't a racist SOB (as you claim) and you do truly care about humanity,
 why not show it? 

I watch Eboni K Williams every chance I get. I may not agree with everything she says but I truly do admire her. She is an amazing woman who is doing extraordinary things. I admire her ability to be raw and real every single day. I admire her wisdom on certain topics and her education on others. I admire that no matter what, she is out here making a difference and educating people. I admire that she is strong, smart (brilliant actually) and many other things. So, despite not agreeing with every single thing, I support what she is doing.