Tuesday, August 22, 2017

I Watched His Journey of Forgiveness, Then I Watched Him Die.

It’s simple really. The way I look at things and go about it all. I guess it’s simple to me and might feel like a conundrum to others because they don’t have any of the traits that I inherited that gives me the ability to look at life through these special glasses. We all have special glasses that allows us to see things in different ways. 

Ones that see the beauty in death and life being born. The ones that also have the ability to heal and feel. The ones that listen closely to a heart that’s weak and withering away. Ones that make me push harder because it knows that one day, there will be no more earthly days. Because of that train of thought, I choose to forgive.

A friend went on this journey and I’m forever blessed that I could go on it with him. He told me that he wants to forgive. That he wants to track down people he’s done wrong and ask them for forgiveness and he wants to pray to God to help him forgive others who hurt him. My heart was filled with joy because he’s a hard person to tolerate and love in any capacity.

So, I watched his journey. I watched him find peace. I watched him learn to love. And I watched him die.

Seeing how in a moment at any moment, a life can be taken makes you appreciate the breath in your lungs. Makes you appreciate the smog filled city with gas exhaust and tobacco smoke. Makes you a little forgiving about that bitch in the sixth grade or that friend who turned into your enemy. When you hold someone as they die, you watch that life slowly go. Their eyes tell you a story that they’re reliving their best moments as they take their last breath.

He said: the peace that comes with forgiving, letting go and letting God is unspeakable. 

What is life after that? I question as I watch my friend lay in peace. His face was calm, something I haven’t witnessed on him since we were kids. I was relaxed knowing that he is now in a better place. A breeze came over me, it squeezed me and I felt as if it were whispering to me. Funny thing, the room had no windows that could open. I knew it was him. I want to believe that he was telling me life is great after we leave this place.

I always wonder what life would be like if you died and didn’t forgive. If you held onto pain for your entire life. I for one, don’t want to go out knowing that I have to fix some loose ends. That’s why I speak highly about forgiveness in my blogs and on social media. I express myself to you, and share that it’s not easy but I’m trying. I share when I have successes and I happily share when I’m struggling. Nonetheless, I’m happy to say that I have no one that I need to forgive or ask forgiveness from.
And it feels pretty damn good.

So for my friend, rest well my dear. 
<3 Ebony 

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