Monday, March 20, 2017

Why Aren't You Having Sex?

I'm over the empty feeling of once I tackled my conquest I'm more than ready to leave or to kick them out. No, I don't want to talk, no I don't want to get something to eat and yes I'm busy a week from now so I can't make plans with you. For some reason when I get done having sex I want nothing to do with the person afterward. It's not fulfilling for me and it's very unsatisfying and I'm tired of faking it, sorry guys I'm a great actress. 

Another reason is because I don't want to have to get an abortion. When I first found myself in a scary place of a positive pregnancy test, here's how it went. I was on birth control, we used a condom (that broke) and I used Plan B. Despite all of that, the results were positive. I took countless tests and thought this was a joke. I confided in a friend and she said: "Girl, my son is a birth control baby and Plan B didn't work for him either." At that moment I was angry because I was faced with either having a child which I didn't want or an abortion which is another thing I didn't want but was willing to do in a heartbeat. Something told me to wait awhile so I did. A few weeks went by and I had a miscarriage. I was thankful, the man who would've been the father turned out to be one of the biggest assholes I've ever met and I would've been stuck in a sister wives type of situation alongside a female I hated for good reason. All of this could've been avoided if I stuck to my gut and didn't have sex. 

Then something awesome happened.

When I stopped having sex, I started to get everything I ever wanted from men and from God. When my focus shifted to truly loving myself and appreciating me, getting back on my personal decision to follow God, it was like everything fell from the sky. My dating life is one of the busiest things ever, and I never thought it would be because of past experiences. I was getting the attention, gifts, conversation, and genuine laughter from men, real men. I guess this is a good time to point out that the boys I was attracting, I now produced a repellent for and only real men were allowed to come into my presence.

And if a man I encounter isn't down with not having sex for a while, a long while they're more than welcome to leave. I'm not going to miss a night’s sleep over them. I have too many options to care about something so silly.

It might seem cliché, but the things you learn from people when you don't have sex and have a conversation is fascinating. Since it's been so long, I don't miss it. I don't miss sex or the empty feeling; instead, I love not having it. I'm experiencing the best years of my life and I'm single enjoying this journey of self-discovery until God sends me who I'm supposed to be with. So it's worth the wait and I'm having fun waiting.

<3 Ebony

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