Monday, January 23, 2017

Insecurities or Intuition?

After listening to a friend of mine this morning, she was venting, her voice was shaky she was scared of the man who was coming into her life. She was finding every reason to call it off and not answer another phone call or text message. She had so many excuses, she brought up so many exes and situations, then her body image issues the list goes on. I was listening to my friend cry intensely about her insecurities that she was projecting on a wonderful man. Twisting a situation to make it seem real. And she kept saying "It's my intuition."

Then it hit me: It's not her intuition that's telling her to dip, dodge and get the hell out of town. It's her insecurities. 

Then I came to this thought, how many of us truly know the difference between the two? My friend didn't know the difference until I pointed out what she told me. Then she sat quietly and said "What am I doing? I almost ruined a chance at something real."

In my exciting journey of being single, I discovered the different voices that belong to my insecurities and the other that belongs to my intuition.  For me, intuition never steers me wrong, but insecurities will lead me into hell and back ending in misery! Insecurities will have me making decisions erratically. It puts me in a panic mode, then the world seems like it's falling all around me. Not to mention that it makes me look silly in the end of the situation.

I do want to say, that seeing obvious red flags is way different than an insecurity. For me, I was abused in my previous relationship(s) so when I see red flags of a man who expresses a certain type of anger, acts strangely on alcohol, shows some type of aggression towards me if we're in a disagreement; those things I won't ever ignore. Because I've ignored them in one relationship and let's just say it wasn't pretty. And when I was optimistic in the others that showed the same thing, the end result was the same, abuse. 

For me an insecurity used to be when I would start talking or getting to know a guy, he turns out to be fabulous and I..... well... here's an example: "He's fabulous! Why would he want me? He has to be talking to a million other ladies. There's no way he truly means what he says to me. I don't look like that girl, the one whose picture he liked on Instagram. Etc." 

Why? Because of all the past hurts, I would doubt that someone would want me, love me, or truly want to get to know me without the 'perks'. In the end, thinking that way only blocked my blessings and chances at something real. 

I'm far over that now. I'm not fazed by much. I keep it moving if I receive a red flag, or if I don't have peace from Papa (God) about the guy. I don't stress or worry because if it's truly meant to be, I won’t be stressed or worried. Papa has to remind me of that a lot of times because I want love and to be genuinely loved.

I want you to take your time, get to know who you are. We grow every day and what we want in a partner changes from time to time until we truly get into a place of peace with ourselves. Take time to understand when it's your insecurities knocking at the door or your intuition.

<3 Ebony 

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