Thursday, June 23, 2016

My Fear

I had this fear of what people thought about me. At 18, I was scared for all the backlash from being on television, what would my friends think and or say? As time went on, I lost a good amount of people in my life because of my goals and inability to stop chasing them. Honestly, I believe in the saying 'you can't lose what was never yours', that makes things easier for me.  Despite that, I still had this fear; this time it wasn't about losing people, it was about loving people and allowing them to love me.

In life we all get hurt, for some the pain is a 100/100 and for others the pain is a 10/100. For me, that pain was at the highest on the scale that it could go.I'm well aware of what fear does, it holds you back from experiences. I never want to miss out on those experiences because I'm chicken shit over something that's inevitable,which is getting hurt. Like Bob Marley says "truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

As I allowed myself to get raw and face my fears and allow people into my life I realized what I was missing. The true connection with people that I lacked like many of us because we have walls up. It's amazing what can happen when we work on ourselves, become strong, and allow those walls to disappear. I'm also smarter about things and people. I don't just let any Joe Blow in my intimate circle, I have places for everyone so no boundaries are crossed. I realized that dating is a whole lot easier because I'm secure, unafraid and having fun. I now differentiate friends and acquaintances and know that I don't need to speak to someone every day to consider them a friend. I now know that life is so beautiful when we choose to love and not live in a shell.

Now when it comes to falling in love, I've talked to my dad countless times, my friend Corinna also as well as one of my best friends Tony. I'm only doing myself a disservice when it comes to relationships if I don't try because my exes either A. couldn't keep it in their pants or B. wouldn't stop with the abuse. Why should I suffer because of their actions? Haven't I suffered enough while being with them? I logged onto Facebook today, and my dad posted this quick video: 

My heart is healed and so ready to get back on that horse one day. I haven't been in a relationship for almost 4 years now, and I’m opening up to the thought of entertaining one. As for now I'm thoroughly enjoying my journey until God sends Mr.Right my way.  

My point is life is so much better lived if we kick our fears to the curb. 

<3 Ebony 

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