Friday, December 12, 2014

I'm READY! Or Am I?

We claim to be ready for things. I'm ready for a relationship, I'm ready to have my career take off I'm ready, I'm ready I'm ready, slow down SpongeBob, are you truly ready?

 I listen to a lot of people express themselves on being ready to be in a relationship but yet they are frustrated that one doesn't magically appear. I found it easy to accept that I wasn't ready when I slowed down and allowed God to speak to me. I looked at myself and simply asked "Am I ready? What am I trying to do with my life? Where am I going?" I then realized that the THOUGHT of having a relationship was cherished more than actually having one. I was not ready for a relationship because to me it's a commitment. One that I plan to work on and take to the next level. I don't jump into things just to break up two or three months later.

 I sat back and realized I wasn't ready when I knew I wasn't going to stay in Alaska and that I sure as hell didn't want to raise a family there. So why start something with someone who had their whole life there and didn't plan on leaving when I knew in my heart I was never meant to live there forever? That would be selfish of me and unfair to that other person.

I have these goals that take up time, and energy; time that would need to be spent on someone else and not my goals which is something I'm not willing to do. Lets face it we ALL need attention, our men need it just as much if not more than we do. So for me to be in the gym, writing my books, going to school full time, working more than one job and having side gigs, the only time left I had was to shower and sleep and possibly eat. I was unwilling to cut time for the things that made me happy to allow a relationship into my life, but yet here I am in my selfish ways saying "God I want a relationship".

God is no fool, he knows my ass doesn't need one nor truly want one which is why that door was denied. He knew who I was supposed to be with was outside of where I was, and was on another level one like the one I plan on reaching. The one he has in mind wont bug me on where I'm at and will understand the time it takes and dedication needed to make my dreams happen. MY guy will have goals of his own and a hustle that's so sexy I have no choice but to make time for him. I wont be talked down to, or have someone who tries to make me feel like shit just because I want to write a book; instead he will uplift me and help me and speak beauty and encouragement into my life. When one is truly the one that God has planned for you, time will be made for that person, and it would be a pleasure and not a hassle to make it.

I also learned that some people are meant to show you that you are attractive, wanted and desired. SO many people have been hurt we wear these glasses that block us from feeling these things. We think everyone wants something when Gods intentions were to show us that we are worthy. That person who is giving you that gratification might not be your husband or wife, but just someone to uplift your spirit, and that's okay. Feel loved, sexy, attractive, wanted, desired, allow someone to blow smoke up your butt and enhance your ego we all need it at some point in life. Allowing that will bring along a new confidence, and confidence attracts MANY People, trust me!

So as I read statuses and text messages and listen to my lady friends and even listen to myself, the question isn't "why can't i find a good man or woman?" the questions are, are you truly ready? do you have all the things you planned on getting in your single life? are you established to the point where a man or woman isn't the sole purpose of your being? are you okay with where you are in your own happiness? are you truly ready?

 One of the most beautiful things I've heard someone say was when I met him at the mall and sat next to him on the bench and simply asked "what's your story" he was more than happy to gush about his wife, she was his story:  "Love requires so much emotion and restraint, you have to be patient and secure in yourself. otherwise little things will bother you and make you doubt, and those two things will ruin your marriage. everyday I grow in love with my wife, everyday I learn something new and I love it. We have been married 65 years and every-time I look at her it's just like we first met. She was a busy journalist and I was military, I traveled and moved a lot and her jobs made her move a lot. Many years we kept contact and always loved each other. I wanted her to prosper and live her dreams, she knew I needed to serve and finish out my duties with the military. We were honest and open and that made us trust one another. It took ten years for me to get her as my wife, but in ten years we both lived our life and was ready for that next step. Stop rushing, get to know someone it takes time it really does, but when that time is right it's truly worth it."- Henry

It's like he knew what I was wanting to hear, age will do that to ya I suppose. The way he looked at her and watched her slowly walk back to the bench was beautiful we all deserve that look. I can honestly say I get that look now and I love it, might just be for a moment or it might be for a lifetime either way like Corinna tells me "don't block your blessings because of fear"