Monday, June 16, 2014

MESSAGE: Have You Ever?

As I sat last night I found myself listening to some great music. Slow jams form the 80s and early 90s. Every song was hittin; I was moving side to side, singing along in a great mood reminiscing on what that song meant to me at the time it came out. What was I going through, who I was kickin it with at the time; and what friends brought up certain memories. Those times were great!

Then I got a text message from a girlfriend releasing her frustrations about her mister. After calling my girl up and hearing her speak, letting her release those emotions  I got a message from a random lady on Facebook. At first I  didn't understand why she released to someone she didn't really know. According to this lady she says she feels something from my writings. Specifically what I write for another blog company.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?- Brandy 

How ironic, when I'm listening to my girl and reading this Facebook message, this song played four times with one song separating each time it played-did I mention I was listening to Itunes radio?  So what do I do? Write of course :)

In the message I received, this woman was feeling some pain. Finding out that the one she cares for doesn't really feel the same way back.  We've all been there. She said she's tired of feeling like she cares more with every relationship and then here came the kicker. At the end of this lengthy message she says "All guys are the same, want one thing and could careless about how I feel! How can they be so selfish?" 

Ladies, sound familiar? How many of us have used that? Or battled with the possibilities that "we" are the issue?

I smile when people say "all guys" or "all girls are the same". The truth is no one is the same. People are all different and have different agendas. Yeah you might meet a nice cool ass person, but if they don't want to RUSH and settle into something, that does't make them a bad person. Just because a guy or girl might want to talk to other people and hang out with others doesn't make them a bad person. You're single until there's a mutual agreement! A MUTUAL AGREEMENT TO CHANGE THAT STATUS! I know many people who put themselves on hold because they come into deep like with someone. They tend to shut out others and other possibilities because this person is so fine and consumed their mind. BUT they forget they aren't actually exclusive with them. That's when people get hurt, frustrated and lose faith in love and others.

THAT'S THE KEY that most people forget. Talking to some, hanging out with them and hell even having sex with them doesn't mean you two are exclusive. That's the difference of the minds between us two sexes.  I was watching Girl Code and they were talking about D.T.R aka Define The Relationship! It's never to early to ask "what are we?" it's simple and will cut out all that hurt and emotional crap you might get into later on. In all honesty when you ask this question, it can save you a lot of heartache and drama.People would rather go one for months off an assumption that they are taken instead of having a real conversation to define it. Some don't want to hear the truth so they avoid the D.T.R. talk. Comes to the old saying "you can't handle the truth".

How can they be so selfish?-  I stared at that line for about five minutes. That's unfair to say about other people.  I was in a situation where someone called me selfish because I didn't like him, want to be with him, and I gave no clues to wanting to make that happen.You can't MAKE someone love you or feel some type of way about you. Just because someone doesn't live up to your expectations, doesn't make THEM selfish, it makes you selfish. You can't force someone to be what you want. If they don't have it, why lash out on them? Why hold them to a standard they cannot meet? or probably don't want to meet?  Why fight when YOU know they don't have what it takes to be with you? Now you're trying to change someone to fit you when God is obviously telling you they aren't the one. Not listening to what God is saying is always classified as being selfish, putting your needs in front of his.

In the end not everyone is the same, if you are attracting that type of person just look in the mirror and figure out what it is about YOU that is attracting that. Let's be real we all have a type. We might not notice that we subconsciously go after that type of individual. When we finally realize what we did aka when the relationship is over we then say "every girl/guy is the same". I looked at my own reflection and once I figured it out, I switched somethings up. Now a new class of MEN came my way. I'm talking, opening doors, texting just to say hi, calling to check up on me, random flowers and REAL conversation oh yeah and no pressure or expectation to have sex! This new class that I now attract make time for me without excuses.

Yes I'm single and  for me this is the best possible time. I'm moving on, I'm finding myself out and getting a new respect for me and those around me. YES  I've loved someone so hard it made me cry. YES I've taken care of that man who wasn't shit. YES I've been in a relationship longer than need be because I didn't want to be alone. YES I too thought a man was selfish because he didn't want me and YES I once thought every guy was the same.

All I can say is pray, keep growing, relax, don't rush, allow yourself to heal, and DTR.