Friday, March 7, 2014

Blessed Day

After she was taken away, many thoughts ran through my mind. I was angry at everyone. I was pissed off to a point where no one could speak to me. I shunned everyone, and laughed at those who said they cared. Losing someone who was honestly there for me from the time I was six years old until she passed was the toughest thing a 12 year old could go through. Try setting up a sleepover and the next day you get really sick. Then all of a sudden you have to cancel because you don't want to get your best friend sick too. Now imagine waking up, feeling better, going to the 7 eleven with your dad and seeing her face on a "missing"  poster on the door. What would you think? I mean y'all just talked like two days ago and planned an epic weekend. You get home and call her house where her 8 year old sister picks up the phone and tells you everything. Then you find out a mutual friend is the one to blame. My heart was in so much pain, the first heartache I've ever experienced in my life, and it happened July of 2002.

When you're younger, you don't know what to think. Your mind can't process what just happened or what might have happened. You blame many people including yourself, I mean hell we were supposed to have a sleepover but I got sick.; see where I'm going with this? It's been 12 years, and I finally can breathe on this day which happens to be her birthday. I've prayed for many things, but for this situation is one I never stopped praying on for 12 years. I see her little sister and how she is blossoming into a beautiful woman. I see her pictures and I'm amazed by all that she has done. I see her mom and her smiling face on my Facebook and I can't help but feel good.  I was in great pain, but I know for a fact theirs is incomparable.

I hear her everyday, she's that slick commenting person in my ear when I do something stupid stating the obvious. She's the one telling me to just chill and let things happen. God is in my other ear telling me to listen because I admit at times I ignore Gods words, and he uses Laney to get his point across. Those two equal a great pair; because of them I know I will always be headed in the right direction. Everyone grieves different, and many didn't know why losing my best friend hit so hard even after all these years. I hope that after they read first paragraph, they can understand why my pain was so deep.

For the past couple posting I've become an open book. I've let it all out there and was unashamed to express myself, or share what happened in some parts of my life. This is one I thought I would never share, but she told me to release. God said it's time to release, so here I am on March 7th 2014 releasing something that's hurt me for the past 12 years.

Happy birthday to the best person I know. Rest in Paradise to the best friend anyone could ever have. Best blessing to her amazing family who are stronger than I can ever be. Love you Delaney Lynn Zutz and Happy Birthday.