My dad took this photo of me when we had a mini photo shoot. I love it because it resembles so many things. The meaning behind this photo breaks me down to my bare essentials. During this shoot I was at my loneliest part in my life. Many people don't know this, but when I first got on Television I was a weather girl for FOX NEWS. I was 18 years old at the time and I lost ALL of my friends. I was called a "ho" because apparently I slept with my female manager to get the position. I was cut off from my friends because I was progressing and they were pregnant. I was talked about from the ones closest to me and doubted by my own flesh in blood saying "I will never be something big, I'm just a pretty face." I got into countless physical fights with females because I was "doing the most". When out people would "accidentally" spill things on me and laugh it off.
So there I am, in this photo at 19 years old and broken because I was blessed with the chance to better my life and I decided to take that step. Being in the public it's hard to decipher what to keep private. In many ways a private life really doesn't exist because we have to have so many things on display. Pictures, videos, personality, nightlife etc. Everything is captured through a lens when you have a career that's in the public eye.
Having feelings of out-lash and emotion can happen behind closed doors where it's recommended. But let those feelings come out in public and all of a sudden "you lost your mind". When you sign up for a career in the public eye get ready for all the backlash, rumors, drama, false friends and loneliness all while you have to keep busy and a smile on your face. It's a give an take when taking on a career that involves being public which is why they say it's not for everyone. It might look easy but it takes real strength to keep it going. It's something you can't hide from, but you have to know the difference in what should be public and what's private.
That's why I love being an author. The ability I have to tell stories allows me to release things in a fictional way that's actually helping me in reality. I love this blog because it's a mix of all things I love. I get to post about music since being a radio personality that is important. I get to write about whatever is on my heart because I'm a woman and writing about emotions is soothing. I also get to write about subject matters people ask me questions about, which typically has "MESSAGE" before my blog title like today's posting. Being private in the public seems hard and for those who are new in it, it can break you down. All I have to say is if you don't have something to keep you grounded and at peace you will go crazy.
So for the one who wants to remain anonymous by sending me a message, don't stop what you're doing. Don't let those who curse your name have a hold in your life or a place in your heart. I prayed for all of them and asked God to forgive them while healing me. I look back and smile because those YEARS of pain caused me to publish two books with three ready to publish, be on television at 18 years old for 3 years then jump right into radio, becoming a model to where photogs from Alaska and the lower 48 want to work with me, being asked to emcee many events in town and get invites from out of state and a few other things I won't share just yet :-D.
Everyone's journey is different, this obviously is mine SO FAR that I know many can relate too. I've learned that you have to find a balance and that outlet my friend Marlon taught me that. Believe in yourself and trust in God that it will happen and everything will be okay.