Monday, August 13, 2018

Why Jump?

I still get questions as to why I decided to make my exit in radio. Side note: broadcasting, whether it be television or radio is NOT off the market for me; it was for the interim for me to move, but there will not be a final goodbye; at least, not for a long time.  For those who don't know, I was a radio and television personality for 11 years, since I was 18 years-old. I loved the path that God took me on when it came to being an on-air talent and having my own shows that successfully grabbed high ratings in whatever market I was in. So why leave it? That cushion? The world of entertainment, which was my world for a majority of my life?

Broadcasting as a talent was literally ALL that I knew. 

It wasn't easy to take that leap of faith. I struggled with it many times when God revealed to me that it was my time to leave and move to Los Angeles. He wanted me to move to a city that I adored. He wanted me to move with no job, no place to live, no money, with no security EXCEPT that God's got me. Sounds nuts, but I did it, I was able to see what I was able to do WITHOUT a crutch.  When I finally moved, I realized that this move was no different from the ones prior. I've done this before so why was LA so scary?

So back on subject, why jump? 

Because now, I can look back at the past year and smile at this amazing beginning that God has granted me....again. What I thought was the end, aka leaving all that I knew in broadcasting, it was only the beginning. I've written two full movie scripts that are in circulation (working on a third),  I finished an original comedy series aimed for TV or a Netflix type broadcast, I landed one of many dream jobs as a full-time freelance writer for an amazing company and,I have a few more loose ends that are tightening up that I can't share just yet (but it's major news).

I make jumps because I refuse to say "what if?"

 I bitched, cried, doubted, got mad, screamed and lost my shit. I want to make sure that you understand, that I still go through those moments of emotions. It wasn't just a one-time thing then poof I'm healed. I wish it were the case. At the end of it all, this beginning is going to lead to so many things.

I know some of you are wanting me back in broadcasting and that is something I will never escape and don't plan on leaving for good. In God's perfect timing I will be back in it. Hmm...maybe THAT might be my major news that I can't share with you? Never know ;)

<3 Ebony 

Friday, August 10, 2018

Say YES to Yourself!

After I had a little mental breakdown a few weeks ago, I realized the importance of many things. Today I want to share the importance of saying YES to yourself.

When you say YES to yourself, you're saying no to your fears. 

There's plenty of things to be scared of in this world. That's crazy to say after psychologists have discovered that we were only born with two fears, 1. falling and 2. loud noises. So where did the other fears come from?  We created those fears, so since we created them we can easily defeat them. 

Here's something that you might find silly and hard to believe. Despite always being in the spotlight, having to host events and be in front of crowds as big as 20k, I had a fear of going to major events alone. Seems strange given my background and the fact that I go everywhere alone. It's different when it's in a social setting. I had a very important event to go too the other day, a lot of heavy hitters were there and I was determined to meet as many as I could. After all, we knew OF one another just have never met. 

The moment I decided to attend this event, the days leading up to it, I was overcome with such anxiety. It was bad, I got the shakes, felt like my gut was going to drop from my body, my mind was telling me how horrible it would be and how I would mess it up. So many things were going on. Then I started reading the word of God. I started to share these thoughts with someone I trusted. It was then revealed to me, that I AM bigger than my fears. 

I sucked it up and went to the event. I was alone, had a great time and didn't get a chance to meet anyone that I set my sights on meeting. I went home very disappointed and even expressed that to Papa (God). The Holy Spirit came over me as loud as can be, which is strange because he usually whispers, anywho he said this: 

You misunderstood the purpose of the event. 
It wasn't so that you could meet a specific person, 
the purpose was so you can defeat your fear. 

I sat for a moment and honed in on that voice. I took my time to realize what I just did and how that was big for me. I did something that I usually avoid and once I was there, my fear no longer existed. Starting today, I want you to try and tackle your fear. It's time for you to reach your full potential and be unstoppable. Don't wait for the New Year for a New You, do that now, start today. 

Face that fear and make it submit to you, don't submit to it. 

<3 Ebony 

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

The Beauty of Panic : GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!

I laughed really hard when I read the title of this blog out loud. The Beauty of Panic! What maniac finds beauty in being panicked? What person in their right mind actually likes the heart-pounding, forehead sweating, gut-wrenching, almost get a heart attack freak out mode like one caused by panic?

Well, I guess you can say, that I do. 

Now hear me out, I hate panic when I'm in the middle of it. When I'm in a season where I have no idea what's going on and where to turn. When I have to wait on God, but then I can't hear God. I can't feel God. I start to doubt that he's even there. I start to think,

Does God really love me? Does He hear my cries? 

I mean, because if He hears my cries, then He's bound to come and rescue me.... right? He's bound to come down from the heavens himself, pull me out of the darkness and put me in a field of flowers and prayers answered.... right?


I like to think that he gets a kick out of my temper tantrums. The moment when I have the nerve to pray big and bold but freak out when turmoil comes. I start to cry and scream GOD WHYY?! and He laughs and is probably like, Eb, my child. I'm preparing you for what you asked for. I can hear him saying that in the midst of me screaming bloody murder and throwing myself on the floor.

I can laugh at this now but over the weekend and even yesterday, 
I went as far as questioning if God is really real. 

That my friend is how DEEP I am. That is how DEEP this turmoil is. That is how DEEP my pain goes. That is how DEEP in shit I am, and how lonely I feel during this time. You get to a place where you're gasping for air and you know how to swim (pray) but you keep flopping around (not praying). You keep screaming for help and asking God where are you?! When in fact, he gave you a lifeline (the Bible). When in fact he extended that lifeline to me (gave me two friends, who prayed over me). When in fact he kept extending that lifeline (my two friends who prayed for me sent me scripts that pertained to my current struggle) But instead of those lifelines, I kept my eyes shut and kept crying for help.

How many of us cry for help but are to blind to get past our selfish thoughts to notice that help is literally right in front of us? That God will NEVER give us something that we can't handle. He gives us our battles because we are created to defeat them. He gave us our struggles because only WE can move past them. My two friends who were there for me, they can't fight this. They can help equip me though. They can allow God to use them to get to me in a way that God knows they can so I can understand.

That's exactly what he's doing. 

So in the middle of my panic, and I'm still a little panicky, he is RIGHT there with me. And Even though it may seem like he's not there with you. It might seem like he doesn't care. It might seem like he has left you, my friend he has not for it is written:

Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or terrified 
because of them, the Lord your God goes with you, 
he will NEVER leave you NOR forsake you
- Deuteronomy 31: 6

<3 Ebony

Monday, July 23, 2018

The Heat of Realization

I've been in this state, where it's a mix of frustration and faith. I sound completely crazy for bunching those two words in the same sentence. How can I have faith but still be frustrated? To answer that question, I have no idea. Maybe, I figure, that because it's frustration and that I'm not doubtful, that it's different. Maybe, I'm convincing myself that my frustrations are because I'm so faithful. Now, that's a thought I can get behind.

For me, that's true. I'm frustrated because I'm faithful. Today, we had the start of another heat wave in Los Angeles. When I was leaving my producing job and headed home, I touched my steering wheel and couldn't help but cuss. I might be a little dramatic with this one, but I think I heard the skin on my hand sizzle. So I cussed as I made my way into my backpack and pulled out my workout gloves.

I placed my hands on the steering wheel again, when, I heard God speak to me.  "The heat isn't why you're mad now, is it?" I took a deep sigh because no, the heat wasn't why I was mad and quick to get so angry. I knew this heat wave was coming, what was I to expect? I was frustrated and mad because God gave me a glimpse as to where I'm supposed to be and I'm not there.

The frustrations filled my mind and it all came rushing to me as if I were hanging upside down and the blood was shooting straight to my head. I took a deep breath and remembered all the prayers that God has answered. Even the prayer that took ten years for a yes, aka. my move to Los Angeles. I started to think of all the major prayers I've prayed and how God answered them in his perfect timing. I recalled how at ease and at peace I am after I pray my giant bold prayers to him.

The heat made me realize that, yes, I may be frustrated. Yes, I might get angry at times, but misplaced anger never helps you solve the real problem until you're willing to face what the issue is. I wasn't just frustrated, but I was frustrated with God. After admitting that, he checked me and helped me remember all my impossible prayers I've prayed that he made possible.

I like being humbled by him. I like being reminded and reminding myself of what he can do and what he will do. So now, I sit on the 405N smiling. People around me think I'm insane for being so happy in the dead of rush hour. Where a 20-minute car ride has turned into an hour and a half road trip. I sit in the crazy traffic, with Semi-trucks dominating the lanes ahead of me, people honking their horns and so on, and I thank God for always having my back and coming through.

So you might be in the dead of the heat and need your reality check too. If so, just remember all the prayers you've prayed and think about the ones that he's honored. Keep track of these things too, keep a prayer journal like me. Creating your own Psalms and read back on your journey from time to time. It's easier to pinpoint where God's moving in your life if you keep a record of your deepest desires, thoughts, worries, trials, and triumphs.

<3 Ebony