Monday, March 27, 2017

Kendrick Lamar- The Heart Series

I'll just leave this here, you're welcome...

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Shack

The Shack is a New York Best Selling Novel that was recently turned into a motion picture. I read the book and fell in love with the characters. The Shack follows the story of pain, forgiveness, struggles and happiness of a man named Mack and his family who lose the youngest member of their family; Missy who was kidnapped and murdered by a serial child murderer aka The Ladybug Killer.

When I was in bible study, one of my group mates asked me if I had seen the movie. When I replied "yes I loved it! Did you see it?" She turned her head to the side and said "no because I have an issue with the worship of false Gods." When I asked her if she read the book and she said yes, that made me even more confused. If you read the book, how would you think there's worship of false Gods? She then went to say "Well I mean, do you think God would come as a big black woman?" Then it hit me, she has no idea what the purpose of God showing himself in that way, played by Octavia Spencer. 

Yes, I do think God would show himself as a big black woman.

It's easy and simple as to why God showed himself in that way to Mack. In the film when Mack was a little boy he sought solace in mother figures; and God showed himself as a nurturing black woman who got him to open up and make better choices. Which make sense because  later on in the film, that same trusting figure came to Mack in one of the most trying times of his life.

God knows what and who we need,

So to me, that's no different than God showing himself to us through others. When I look around and see the act of God shine through my fellow people, it's beautiful. God shows himself through me, I am black, through my friends who are mixed races and through this woman who asked that daring question who herself is a big white woman.

Classic case of judging a book by its cover, or in this case a movie. 

When you read the book, there's such deep meaning and revelation of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The descriptions were painted so lovely that I can't escape the imagery. I recommend the movie and the novel. I ask that you have an open mind and truly search for the truth between the words; and if something doesn't make sense then I want you to look it up. Look up the definitions and meanings until they make sense to you. 


God can and will show himself in anyway he sees fit. No one on earth knows what God looks like.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Why Aren't You Having Sex?

I'm over the empty feeling of once I tackled my conquest I'm more than ready to leave or to kick them out. No, I don't want to talk, no I don't want to get something to eat and yes I'm busy a week from now so I can't make plans with you. For some reason when I get done having sex I want nothing to do with the person afterward. It's not fulfilling for me and it's very unsatisfying and I'm tired of faking it, sorry guys I'm a great actress. 

Another reason is because I don't want to have to get an abortion. When I first found myself in a scary place of a positive pregnancy test, here's how it went. I was on birth control, we used a condom (that broke) and I used Plan B. Despite all of that, the results were positive. I took countless tests and thought this was a joke. I confided in a friend and she said: "Girl, my son is a birth control baby and Plan B didn't work for him either." At that moment I was angry because I was faced with either having a child which I didn't want or an abortion which is another thing I didn't want but was willing to do in a heartbeat. Something told me to wait awhile so I did. A few weeks went by and I had a miscarriage. I was thankful, the man who would've been the father turned out to be one of the biggest assholes I've ever met and I would've been stuck in a sister wives type of situation alongside a female I hated for good reason. All of this could've been avoided if I stuck to my gut and didn't have sex. 

Then something awesome happened.

When I stopped having sex, I started to get everything I ever wanted from men and from God. When my focus shifted to truly loving myself and appreciating me, getting back on my personal decision to follow God, it was like everything fell from the sky. My dating life is one of the busiest things ever, and I never thought it would be because of past experiences. I was getting the attention, gifts, conversation, and genuine laughter from men, real men. I guess this is a good time to point out that the boys I was attracting, I now produced a repellent for and only real men were allowed to come into my presence.

And if a man I encounter isn't down with not having sex for a while, a long while they're more than welcome to leave. I'm not going to miss a night’s sleep over them. I have too many options to care about something so silly.

It might seem cliché, but the things you learn from people when you don't have sex and have a conversation is fascinating. Since it's been so long, I don't miss it. I don't miss sex or the empty feeling; instead, I love not having it. I'm experiencing the best years of my life and I'm single enjoying this journey of self-discovery until God sends me who I'm supposed to be with. So it's worth the wait and I'm having fun waiting.

<3 Ebony

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Don't Feel Guilty!

I've written a blog before about not apologizing for living your life. Now, it's on my heart and recent experiences to say don't feel guilty when it comes to your decision on helping others.

This one was tough for me. I felt responsible in some sort of dumb way to make sure another person was good to go in life before they leave my nest. Nothing wrong with that, but when you aren't treated well and that person is selfish and lazy things change. When all of your minor requests are ignore, things change. I'm grateful for that experience and I do appreciate the time that was shared because it showed me what I want and what I don't want. What I'm willing to put up with and what I refuse to dip back into.

Let's face it, people will take advantage of you no matter what it's inevitable. The one thing I love to say is:
they might try to  take advantage of you, but you don't have to let them. 

We're all adults and responsible for our own actions so placing the blame on others because you allowed yourself in this situation will only harm your growth. It'll be easy for me to say that every time I go home I'm miserable and put on a fake face just to live in peace because of someone else who crashes on my couch. It'll be easy for me to blame my lack of energy because I'm exhausted from carrying all the weight because of that same person. Oh, and it'll be so easy for me to get mad at them for everything they do; despite me knowing that they'll never change. 

So simple to place the blame game, but it's no ones fault but my own. I allowed that person to stay way longer than they should've with little to no contribution. I allowed that person to ruin my attitude. I allowed that person to be a poison in my life to the point where I want to cause them harm. I allowed that person the space and time to think that it's okay to be selfish, lazy and inconsiderate; because I sweep up after them with a broom and dust pan. 

But I'm done. 

I've gone above and beyond for someone who doesn't deserve my friendship. I've gone above and beyond for someone who hasn't broken a sweat to do the same despite seeing me drown. You know what, I don't feel guilty at all for choosing me

<3 Ebony 

Monday, March 13, 2017

The Power of the Tongue

During this months series at church, Pastor Ryan at Edge Church kicked it off a few weeks ago with The Power of the Tongue. He uses many examples that paint a vivid picture of how powerful such a small instrument can be.

James 3:3-6 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

Trying to tame such a thing is hard. Personally it's something that I've been struggling with for some time. What really sucks is when you're lied too on a constant basis in a  setting that should warrant for some type of trust. It's not easy to move on, and work with people who willingly are lying to you with a smile on their face. Whether its at home, at work, with friends or with family. Who likes being put in uncomfortable situations? I know I don't.

So why allow yourself to stay in one? 

That's a question I ask myself daily and the truth is, I'm not in that space anymore. I'm not allowing myself to be placed in this situation. God puts us in places that's meant to help us or for us to help others. When either one of those things are in jeopardy, it's not a place where I want to be or should be. God didn't put me here to struggle, he put me here to prosper and live the next best chapter of my life.

So I'm going to do just that. I'm going to put myself in a position where I'm living the best part of my life in this moment. I'm going to do whatever it takes, despite the wrongdoing, to make sure this chapter is a kick ass one. Along that journey, I ask for prayers when it comes to holding my tongue. ;)

<3 Ebony