Monday, June 25, 2018

Poem: Brainwaves and Thoughts

I get a little confused at times. My brain, it makes me think strangely at times.
Strangely might not be the perfect word. But what is perfect in this world?
I wait for the communication to take place. For you to notice me.
I wait for the recognition. For you to give me the once-over.
I wait for you. You notice.
You always do. I also notice too.
What are you doing to me? I hear it all.
That stuck with me, like rain in the fall.
It was crisp and sweet. It brought warmth and comfort.
It made me realize that you do see me. Not in a typical way.
I hope not in that way. But instead, in a,  more of you want it too way.
I hope that's what you mean. We'll see.
I want too. I want it. I want you.
But the way my brain has me thinking. Is how can it even happen?
God is mysterious. Like the heart. Like feelings. Like actions.
Like the words, we're afraid to say to one another. Words like, I like you and no other.
Like the confirmation that's needed in order for something to go forward.
We hate those conversations. But, they need to happen.
That awkward conversation. The need for representation.
Of the emotions. They need to be categorized.
We simply can't just let it be. Society wants to know.
I want to know. We need to know.
How far should it go? Where do we start? How does it end?
You see, I have so many questions in my head.
We want what we can't have. Or we want but are afraid to ask.
I'm afraid to ask. So I sit and watch you.
The rejection is something my heart can't take. So why risk it?
Let it be fate that decides for me. Or let it be you to make the move.
I pray for the courage. You're too beautiful to approach.
But I see you. You'll never go unnoticed to me.

<3 Ebony

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Poem: Tummy Turns

We have a disconnect.
I don't like it.
I like when I'm with you.
I like when I'm near you.
I love when I'm under you.
I hate the distance.

Whether by a few miles or across the country,
I hate the disconnect.
I love the conversations.
I love my wild expectations.
I love your unique persuasion.
I hate the silence.

We have unspoken promises,
of what we want with one another.
With how we treat each other.
Do we dare call us lovers?
I hate the unknown.

Whether by a yes or a no.
I hate the guessing game.
Especially with another wordsmith.
It leaves no room for self-righteousness.
Because we call each other out on the bull shit.
I hate that you're not mine.

We have a rule in line.
At least, I think it's set in time.
As in, we will see what transpires of this.
Just, for now, I'll put it on my wish list.'
I ache for you.
I hate not having you.

By: Ebony Williams

Monday, May 14, 2018

Poem: The Light of Darkness

The natural highlight.
The elimination of my skin.
The light and essence that it omits.
The shimmer in the way that it hits.

The sun, it's beautiful.
Harmful.
Sensual.
Scary.
Soothing.
Ghastly.

Divided are my feelings towards the light
that's meant to shine nothing but
brightness in my life.
But even the light brings darkness.

As we hide from her glorious rays.
Dive into known ways.
Of darkness or
is it comfort?
Or is it so familiar that the darkness is the comfort?

Our comfort of peace.
Not of the mind but
of the heart and in time it circulates the universe.

She comes back around so strong and sound this time.
She doesn't hide because she is light
We hide because her light is bright and we have no idea how to handle it.
so we hide.
Into the darkness.

Pack our thoughts and enter the cave.
Put on the cloak of emotionless waves.
Strapped on the boots worn by slaves.
Head held down, we are not brave.

Instead, we're weak.

What is it with the light and darkness?
The light of darkness?
There is always light in darkness
we just have to be brave enough to find it.

By: Ebony Williams

Friday, April 13, 2018

Late Nights

Hits the blunt... take it in.. sit in the smoke little baby and relax.

As the pain moves through me, as strong as the blood that's in my veins.
I sit back and see you through the smoke, I took a hit deep and choked.
You laughed a little, as I played it off.

Off to the sky, mile high, hypnotized, memorized by your eyes.
They weren't looking at me though, it was at your phone.
Sucked into business of pleasure or business, my mind is racing.

Where did you come from?

Hits the blunt.. you walk out the room... I sit in the smoke and breathe.

The clock is loud. The hands are moving slow, or maybe it's my mind.
It plays tricks on me sometimes. My mind that is, such a mysterious thing.
But a blessing to be created.

So I sit there, hit the blunt... you walk in the room.. I pass it to you.

How you feeling little baby? You said to me.
I smile and lean in, you kiss and I lean back.
Late nights are the best nights.

<3 Ebony

Thursday, April 5, 2018

There's Lower Than Rock Bottom

You know the old saying that once you hit rock bottom there's no where else but up? I, like most of you, are one who can contest that, that's a lie. I've hit rock bottom once in my life. I was living in my car for one of those moments had nothing to eat for a few weeks, no income, no friends; it was scary.

This time, it's different. Not just by how it happened, but by how I'm dealing with it. Being homeless seems to be a repetitive thing for me. I'm the type that no matter what, will make her dreams come true. That no matter the circumstances, will make it happen. So this time around instead of freaking out fully, I've taken more time to sit back and reflect. Not on why these situations happen because I know why. For me, it always happens when I get comfortable and ignore when God is telling me to move. So, he makes me move....

Instead, I think of why it happened, the prayers I've been praying, the moves I've been making and I say thank you; but not at first, I wish I could admit that I took this nicely, but no. I was upset, sad, angry, mad, frustrated and everything else; I even confided in a friend on whether or not God truly loves me, or if he cares. Yeah, I went that deep with it, and I'm not ashamed for it either.

As I sit here listening to a mix of Jay Z, Nas, Nipsey, Snoop and Big K.R.I.T, I take on full responsibility. I can't be angry at something when I've been asking God for something much bigger and I'm not moving for him to make it happen. As I get my head in order from what's happening, from tires blowing out while I'm driving, to losing a so called friend that was a wolf in sheep clothing, to moving into a new place, to being an emotional train wreck that takes any small thing and turning into a massacre; I'm doing better with this situation.

If we don't take time to breathe and love on ourselves, no one else will. 

I also take this time to be alone. I could easily be with a man at this moment. Someone who I truly like and see a future with because it'll be easy. Easy to mask how I feel and want him to love on me to give me a quick fix. I think at times, we don't know that we do that. We run to someone or something that's our comfort zone during our deepest problems, because it enables us to deal with it alone. It makes sure that we mask that pain with a momentary happiness. The moment that comfort zone has to leave or direct their attention to something else, we feel like shit all over. Why? because we never dealt with the issue, we just substituted it. 

I really do love these situations, because with each storm comes rain. That rain waters all the seeds that I have planted in the soil. I'm excited for my bloom, my harvest, my reaping. 

I've mastered that art of knowing when I need to take a break. I'm always on the go, from putting out a new book, to writing a new screen play, to working in radio or television, to photo-shoots, to moving cross country and much more. I now know, when I need to have a seat and breathe. This is one of those times where I need to take a day for me. A day of whatever I want, maybe a praise hike where I can cry and sing Christian songs, a visit to the beach where I could read or sit and watch the waves and God's creation, or maybe even start a new series  that I've been wanting to start for awhile now. Maybe today is full of all those things? I think it will be. 

My message to you my friend, take some time for you. You deserve it. Love yourself. 

<3 Ebony